mail

Today the final edition of our local paper came in the mail. I was so disappointed when I heard that the paper was closing, I wrote a letter to the editor, which was published today:

I am truly saddened to learn that the newspaper is closing. Thank you for all your work and dedication in providing accurate and thorough news, as well as insightful--and sometimes provocative--commentary.

When my husband and I moved here, we were thrilled to discover, upon arrival, that the local paper was thoughtful, comprehensive, and most importantly, widely read. One of the first conversations I had with a neighbor was about the significance of the paper. It has been a weekly source of joy for me, a place where I can keep up with what’s going on in my local community. Indeed, as we have only lived here for two years, the paper itself has helped develop for my family a sense of community. It will be sorely missed.

Though I’ve often wanted to, I’ve never written a letter to the editor before. It feels almost inappropriate that the first time I feel truly compelled to do so is when the paper is closing, as if it's a lesson for me to be more appreciative of all that I have.

The other thing I got in the mail today was a summons for jury duty. This is the first time I’ve ever been called to serve on a jury--is that unusual? Perhaps it’s because we’ve moved around so much? At any rate, I don’t mind, though I will probably still try to postpone until the summer when it won’t interrupt teaching.

It was snowing today and as a result (no bus) I had to pick j up from school. He’s had a few behavioral incidents in the past few weeks. His teacher explained this, and then, seeing what was likely a pained expression on my face, was quick to say that he’s been doing well for most of the day, just that some days are better than others. Today had a bright moment. According to her, when they began their daily yoga session, j insisted that he lead the class. And did. My son the yoga instructor. Nice.

"bad" words and acceptance

I've been having mixed feelings about telling j that some words are "bad." I told him "stupid" and "I don't care" were "bad words," which was very effective in getting him to stop saying them. However, he now enjoys telling other people when they have said a "bad word," and will doggedly pursue an apology for the offense.

The "bad word" policy was in response to my not wanting him to say certain things at school, such as "I'm gonna get your booty," or--as he did when looking at his princess-themed toothpaste (his choice) with especially busty princesses--"Mama, she has big bit-uhs" (bitte, his word for breast). I know these concerns about words are more about me than they are about j. When he says something indelicate, I imagine it taking place at school, where his teachers will wonder where he learned the expression. So P and I have emphasized the "bad words," rather than explain a whole lot about them. I certainly don't want to forbid him from saying "breasts," and sometimes one needs the word "stupid." He's just not ready yet to understand that some words that are ok in certain contexts. But I'll keep working on it.

Today we went to the playground where j played with a boy a little bit younger (d); we hadn't met before. they were playing with little sticks on a patch of ice, when "stupid" came out of d's mouth. j just looked up at me and P in shock, his mouth a narrow O. But he didn't react at all when d, in response to his mother taking away the stick and accidentally breaking it in the process, said "Mommy, you just broke my f*ckin' stick." The f-word doesn't mean anything to j yet. (I consider this something of a miracle, since the word has been, ahem, occasionally known to come out of my mouth.)

The mother was obviously embarrassed and immediately took d home. This put P and I in some unfamiliar territory. We are accustomed to being the ones worried about j's behavior around strangers, not the other way around. We could tell that the mom was concerned about how her son was perceived the entire time we were there: he kept using the stick as a gun and saying he was going to set things on fire and blow things up, while she kept requesting that he not showcase all of the things he's "not supposed to do." I wanted to comfort her, to say Believe me, really, I've been there; my kid is also a funny and creative guy who behaves in undesirable ways sometimes. I am not judging him, or you. But I didn't know how to do that with just a few words, and saying it would presume I knew how she was feeling. I don't know how to offer that kind of comfort effectively with a stranger.

This got me thinking a bit more. Is it too much to hope that maybe some other moms wanted to comfort me when j was difficult to deal with on the playground? I can't think of any strangers who have done this, but then, how would they have done it in a way that I would have accepted it? I couldn't do it for this mom today. It's much easier for our families, who know and love us, to forgive and to sympathize and not think the worst of us, which in our case, they do. And I am so thankful for this and for them.

I'm working on developing community here and just accepting... well, everything. :)

happy new year 2010

2010 already. This is a picture of j when we were in MI over the holidays. We had a wonderful holiday there and are finally getting things settled in the house so we can be ready for the start of the semester (next week for P, the following week for me). It's been a kind January so far; we've gotten some painting and some purging done, and things aren't terribly crazy yet, so I feel like I've been able to spend some better quality time with the guys. We've started on what I see as a new year's resolution to get more rhythm in this home for j. School--not just what happens there but also going there and back--provides structure, but we wanted some more consistency, so we're doing dinner at the same time (earlier than we had been) and getting some playspaces carved out on the main floor of the house since the basement playroom is pretty cold right now. It will be better in February and March, but now we're all sort of staying up here, only reluctantly and rapidly whizzing downstairs and up, and only when we need to get laundry.

Someone recently told me to make sure I write down these things about j before I forget, which is all too true, I know. When I go through old postings on this blog (now almost four years old), I am amazed by what I had forgotten. So in addition to the rhythm resolution, I'd like to make a resolution to record more.

j's language is improving and his vocabulary is expanding quickly. One thing he's been into lately are "bad words," the biggest of which is "stupid." He's clever, though. If he mistakenly starts to say that something is "stupid," he'll realize his mistake halfway through and say it is instead "stupendous," which he knows is not a bad word. If you say "stupid," he immediately points it out and explains that you have to "go to your room." Other "bad words" are "I don't care" and "I'll eat you up" (thank you, Maurice Sendak).

Though he's going through a stage where he likes to show a "mean face" (scrunched-up mouth and wrinkled nose), he usually does this when he's uncomfortable with a situation, not when he's angry. And the transitions from "mean-faced j" to "uber-polite j" are jarring. The other day, after my mother finshed eating at our house, he said to her, "Maybe I can help you and take your plate to the kitchen. I will do it." And he did. The expectation that she would play Legos with him for an hour probably had a lot to do with the politeness, but in general, he's good with "please" and "thank you," even when he's sobbing because you want him to do something and he doesn't want to do it ("No, thank you; waaahh... no, thank you... [sob]"). My guess is that because these are some of the first words he learned--"please" was shorthand for an entire sentence, like "Give me more pasta"--they've sort of stuck.

ponyo

This morning, I spied this slideshow on the Times Web site while working on an assignment for my students. I was reminded that I never posted about j’s first movie theatre experience, Ponyo. It was the end of summer, and it was oppressively hot and humid. We all needed some relief, and P had read good things about the movie, so we headed to the movie theatre on a whim, just hoping j would be able to sit still to watch it.

The feel of this film challenges our culture’s Disneyed expectations, and I imagine that’s why many wouldn’t like it (see the comments on this positive movie review in the Times)… but it was fantastic. All three of us truly enjoyed it. The scene picture here, in which the sea creature/little girl Ponyo is racing along on top of the waves, was magical and compelling. There was just something about this film for me.

j seemed thrilled to be there between his parents, digging into our popcorn and mesmerized by the film. The only time he made a sound was during a scene in which a mom is trying to console her baby. The baby looks up at Ponyo with a miserable expression, and j said “That baby is really grouchy.” (Later in the scene, the mom breastfeeds the baby. Yay!)

Anyway, if you haven’t seen it, I highly recommend it.

i love my students

I got this message just now from a student handing in a paper via email tonight (on time, actually, though he must've thought otherwise). Rather poetic, I think; the enjambment is his.

I apologize I did not send this
The Yankee game was on last night
And it made me not want to do anything
so my apologies

Well, you can't argue with that.

And another one this week, from a well-meaning student:

Dear Dr. xxx,
This is xxx from your xxx class. I am going to be unable to
attend classs today due to the fact that I am currently having continuous vomiting and something that comes out the end. The reason I am emailing you this is because I think that today might make my 3rd absence and I don't remember how many it takes to fail.

If there's one thing about doing crappy administrative work, it's that I realize how much I enjoy teaching and working with students, even getting the odd emails. They are often so damn funny; it just makes me happy.

birthday parties

I didn't get a chance to write about last weekend's birthday party. Actually, there were two--on Saturday, it was the McDonald's one I described earlier, and on Sunday, it was a party for two-year-old S. The experiences were vastly different.

Saturday's party was two hours long and in retrospect, j did really quite well for the first hour and a half. I guess I should've left earlier before he hit his breaking point, but I didn't want to be rude, leaving before otherj (birthday boy) opened his presents (which he never did... they were bagged up and whisked away... yet another thing I didn't know about kids' birthday parties these days). Anyway, otherj wasn't too friendly with j when we arrived, which is understandable since they don't know each other too well. j doesn't seem to care or notice, which is fine. There was the indoor playground which was a little nervewracking since about every 20 minutes another kid would be crying inside and all the adults would look up at the colored plastic tunnels that stretched to the ceiling, wondering where the wailing was coming from, whose kid it was and how we were going to get him out of there since no one could fit in the tunnels. j had his own moment when someone bopped him on the head inside the tunnel, but he was fine and calmed down quickly. Then, near the end, he was apparently kicking otherj, I think because--and here comes the mother justification--otherj wasn't paying much attention to him. Then, at the end, otherj handed out goodie bags, and j refused his vehemently (No! No!) for some reason. Then j had a meltdown and I had to pick him up to leave. I didn't know too many people there, except for otherj's mom and another mom. Some of the women seemed perfectly nice, but I didn't really have the time to find out since I was scanning the playground for j the entire time. Some other moms, however, were not so nice about his behavior.

What gets me most about being in these difficult situations is The Look. The Look that says in one moment, Why can't you control your kid, you don't discipline him enough, get him the hell outta here. I know it's all about me, this sadness about the The Look. j doesn't notice it, and so I know I shouldn't care. But I do, because I have this amazingly beautiful, brilliant, precocious little guy and I just want other people to know it and recognize it too.

Which brings me to Sunday, when we were among friends at the second birthday party. We were also at their home, not in public, which helped... P could take j away from the action for a bit when he needed to calm down. But j did great helping the littler ones with play (ok, so he was demanding that they play by his rules, but he was doing well). I'm sure being in a home helped, but I think it may have been being among friends, who, I now realize, have never given me The Look. So chalk it up to their being calmer around my crazy kid, or to the fact that I was calmer because as a family we all just felt so comfortable and loved there. It was a great night.

taping and baking

Last Sunday we began an art gallery on the basement wall and j had fun taping his work to it. Later in the afternoon, I was grading the endless stack of papers while j was quietly (!) working on some artwork. When I looked up, he had started to tape the means of production up there as well.
We also baked some bread together, which was a lot of fun. He's now better able to actually help and he can maintain concentration long enough to finish the job with me. Now that I think about it, bread is probably a perfect choice for him with all of the mixing, then sitting around and waiting for the yeast to expand or the dough to rise. He had time to play a bit, then come back to the mixing and kneading.

j's portfolio

We've been having a good time the last few weeks down in the basement playroom. It's been interesting to watch j's artwork evolve. Lately, he has been:

• drawing heads with legs and arms
• tracing his left hand and drawing pointy fingernails on each finger
• drawing concentric circles
• folding up his drawings and stuffing them in a bin
• writing "notes" to give to Mama and Daddy
• drawing moustaches and beards (this was originally just for pictures of Daddy, but last night he insisted on one for the Mama picture, too)
• decorating his red Crocs with masking tape
• decorating his mouth with masking tape
• decorating me with masking tape

He brings a lot of artwork and writing home from school, but even if he didn't, I would assume they do a lot since he's acquired so many different skills and ideas so rapidly. Pictured here is his depiction of me. It was the first time he tried teeth. He actually studied my teeth and bared his own in preparation for this work.

After he finished, he demanded that I give him "thirty dollars" for the picture. His art ain't free. Or cheap.

j's social life

Yesterday my mom took j (and me and P) to the circus. It was much better than I expected, and a really nice activity for j. I think he's going to be pretty good at sitting still for the theatre soon. He was mesmerized--maybe "stupified" is a better term. We had to pry him out of his seat at intermission to go to the bathroom, and he refused to leave after it was over. There were a few tears (I don't wanna go!) but eventually he let me carry him to the car.

In other j news, this morning my neighbors and fellow rowers K and D come over to assist me and P as we move our old couch to the basement (long story), and D presents me with an invitation for j to her son's 4th birthday party. I am excited: this is j's first birthday party invite, or at least his first since he's been old enough to understand what a birthday party is. (I attribute the lack of invitations to our having moved around so much in the first few years of his life.) So I open the invitation and see that the party isn't at her house, but at an address in a nearby town. I pause. "Who are the McDonald's?" I ask, curious about how the family is related to D. And as soon as the words come out of my mouth I realize that the party is *at* McDonald's, and I am (or am going to be) the crazy neighborhood mom who doesn't quite get it.

We try to avoid fast food with j, though he definitely has had his fair share in his short life. I am thrilled about this invitation, and I don't really care that the party is at McDonald's. It's just that I'm so out of things that I wouldn't even have thought a birthday party would be anywhere other than at home. The birthday-party-outsourcing is something that seems to be commonplace here. Is that true everywhere? I'm still trying to get used to this town and being a mom--or rather, a mom who talks with other moms--so I have a lot to learn.

row for the cure

It's been a week since the Row for the Cure and I haven't gotten a chance to post. It went well. My novice 8 had a respectable time of 29 min. 41 sec. for the 5K course, beating our competition by about 4 minutes. The other team was actually a fit-looking high school team, so we old-timers thought we were doomed; however, we ended up passing them easily at the turnaround. As you can see, the weather was not thrilling, but the rain was light enough that it didn't interfere too much with our row. We all got another medal (with a pink RFTC ribbon). Also, the day before the row, the organizer said she heard that I sing and so I ended up singing the national anthem to kick off the event (at 8:30 am).

Most importantly, the club raised over $12,000 for breast cancer research! Thank you to those who donated!

i say i like autumn

Tonight P and I went to j's back-to-school night. He is doing great in school so far. He seems to leap on the bus every morning, and we're getting reports from his teachers that he's communicating very well, helping other kids, and generally just being a funny guy. Oh, and apparently he sings a lot in school and talks about Barack Obama a lot.

A few weeks ago we had a fun visit from Grandma and Grandpa; this picture was taken during our visit to the High Line, which is amazing. I hope some more folks visit us so we have an excuse to go again.

I'm still rowing. This weekend I'm doing a "Row for the Cure," in which I'll row down the lake and back for about 3 miles, probably getting yelled at by the cox to go faster the whole time. Good times.

Still singing--prepping now for our holiday concert in the city. We have some challenging pieces, which is great. Work has turned truly horrible, so I'm not going to write much about it except that I love, love my students this semester--so smart and funny!--but hate the office politics that are currently going down.

And yes, this is a record for me... longest time without posting since I started this blog. No more beating myself up about that.

blackberry blogging

I got a Blackberry a few weeks ago and I'm pretty addicted, which I hear is not unusual. The best part is being able to handle all my email little by little throughout the day--so much nicer than being overwhelmed by it all at once. My guess is that I average about 50 emails a day now, and the Blackberry does improve my overall mood when I have to sit down and respond, since I've weeded through much of the email pile by the time I get back to the computer.

So I thought I'd try blogging via the Blackberry--this is my first attempt. I'm writing from the middle of the looooong drive to MI for our yearly much-anticipated August trip. We're in the car, in the middle of PA... But I need to go now to keep P company before he falls asleep (j already has). More later.

preschool graduation

Today we went to j's school for his graduation (moving up) day. One year of preschool down, one more before kindergarten. It was a lot of fun. As promised, there was singing! and dancing! I thought for sure that when the class entered, j would run from the group and want to sit with us. Instead, he seemed to relish the opportunity to perform in front of the crowd gathered (parents of the other children, maybe about 40-50 people). He was great--he had the songs and moves down, and he clearly enjoyed himself. He enjoyed shouting "Happy Graduation!" at inappropriate times, and when his teacher announced that she was going to hand out the diplomas, he made sure everyone knew what they were. ("They got di-PLO-mas! See? They got a lot of 'em.") And of course, there were the cool graduation caps.

Graduation for the first year of preschool is pretty funny, but honestly, it was a nice afternoon to think about how far j has come in the past year. The teachers, aides, and therapists at the school are amazing, and I (we) feel lucky to have found them.

moonwalk bliss

Yesterday we went to an event called "Touch a Truck" where little kids get to... well, touch trucks. j has shown an interest in trucks recently (actual trucks, not playing with toy trucks--he still seems to prefer his dollhouse and books), so we thought it would be a good time. He seemed to enjoy getting up on the trucks, but he seemed to zone out when actually sitting in them. Though the trucks were stationary and there wasn't a whole lot of honking, it was a pretty noisy event. I think he was probably overstimulated; I know I was. But it was a nice outing. And after the rows of trucks, there was a row of moonwalks. j took some time getting warmed up, but he had a blast, and I got to take some of these pictures of "the bouncy."

rowing, crooning

Quick update. Spring Concert went well, and the rowing regatta also went well: my crew got the fastest time for those in our (admittedly very specific) category of 3 women, 1 man. But we also had the fourth-fastest time in 16 boats, so that was good. And I even got a medal and everything. I mentioned to my mom that this was the first time I'd ever won anything for an athletic event, and she pointed out that it was the first time I'd entered an athletic event. Which is not exactly true--there was some swimming when I was about 7, but other than that, the rowing was pretty much about it. Call me a proud dork.

So I'm joining the rowing club. I went to my first open row on Wednesday (you just show up and get in a boat with whoever is there, whether it's a 4-person or 8-person boat), and I love it. It's about the only few hours a week when I do not even think about work, and with the way I obsess over things, that is a gift. Also, I'm meeting lots of people. P and I had breakfast at the local coffeee shop this morning and we're starting to recognize many of the people who come in. We're enjoying the sense of community.

j only has 2 more weeks of school, and next week there's a graduation/moving up celebration for which he has been assiduously practicing. He's singing three songs with the class--the ever-popular "Take Me Out to the Ballgame," which he loves, as well as "Mr. Sun" and "The Itsy-Bitsy Spider." If I can get some video of the performance, I'll share here. But for now, I leave you with some video of a bathtub performance of big band tunes. (Warning: the last 10 seconds are a bit loud.) Enjoy.

what i've been up to

Well, an awful lot of work, but you knew that already. I'm talking here about what I've been doing outside of work, the things I've forced myself to do because I want to do them and not because I have to. The first is that I'm singing again. A few months ago I auditioned for an 18-person chorus based in the city. The chorus has been around for a while and has a nicely challenging jazz repertoire (their own arrangements) that's taken me some time to learn... but I'm getting there, and I'll sing in a concert with them at the end of the month. So far, I'm so pleased to be a part. Everyone is very focused--lots of ex-professional singers--but it's clearly something that they do for fun, so I feel at home. And there is nothing like concentrating on a funky and difficult low alto line to force me out of my work-related stress. (The older I get the more my voice drops... I'll be singing male baritone parts soon.)

The second thing I've been wanting to do for a while is rowing. There's a 6-week learn-to-row program on the lake near us, and the rowing club is so close I can bike to it. I'm on a 4-person team of other novices, and I'm having a really great time. Unlike singing, which is a very comfortable experience for me, rowing takes me completely out of my comfort zone. While I've done a little kayaking, balancing on a rowing shell is much more difficult. I'm not used to being on a team, but especially a team that I could take down into the water pretty easily by incorrectly wielding an oar. The craziest part of the experience is how my performance on the water is such an obvious metaphor for my life, it seems lame to put into words. But the gist is this: if I would just chill the funk out, I could do some really great things. When I'm in the groove with the rest of my team on the water, my stroke is strong, and I'm not thinking too terribly much. But when I start to think--concentrating on my oar placement, or my gaze, or the fear of catching a crab--then everything turns to crap. At first, I stopped rowing. Now I'm to the point where I continue rowing, but my stroke is lousy. So I just need to stop thinking so much when I'm on the water, which is, of course, easier said than done.

And lastly, there is the beautiful boy, whose conversations and phrases make me laugh everyday and for whom I am so grateful. He is making such strides in terms of his speech, which is so much fun to see. He's also working on reading by sounding out letters and putting them together. He's been able to spell his first name for a while now, but now he's also working on his last name. Last weekend's project was painting his name with old bottles of white-out that I brought home from work. :)

end of spring break

Today is the first day of spring, and I like that Google is celebrating with their Eric Carle design.
This week was Spring Break, and we got to relax for at least some of it.

On Wednesday, P and I went to the city. We hung out at the bar and had yet another mediocre NYC meal (we seem to have a knack for finding these places where the vegetarian options rival those of Applebee’s) before going to see HAIR. I have a soft spot in my heart for that show, because it’s crazy and the music is fun and political and the narrative is loose and it doesn’t make too much sense. Also, I was in a production of HAIR when I was in college and it was so wonderfully different than anything I had done before. In retrospect, it was sort of the beginning of the end of my interest in typical musicals.

The guy who plays one of the leads in the Broadway production was a friend in college. P and I hung out after the show to see him (which was hard--between P and me, I don’t know who hates that after-the-show scene more). But he was so gracious, and funny, and reminded me of a story from college I had forgotten, and well... it was great. Two other guys with whom we did theatre in college were also there, so it was a mini-reunion of sorts. Actually, there is a HUGE college reunion this weekend at U-M that we all are missing, and my having such a good time the other night made me a bit sad about that. But I have to admit to my mixed feelings about it. It’s hard enough having to face every single person from my past on Facebook nowadays. I haven’t been to a high school or college reunion yet, and I'm starting to understand why. It's hard when you feel like you've changed--for the better--in 15 years. Seeing others who see you only as you were then often makes you wonder whether you really have.

Today the three of us went to j’s school for a preliminary consultation about where he will be next year. j’s teacher M has been evaluating him over the past few weeks, and he’s done pretty well. It’s obvious he’s made tons of improvement since September. He’s even near the top of the charts in terms of his ability with numbers and letters. However, his social interaction and ability to focus still need work. I think the consensus at our meeting today was that we’ll be recommending that he stays where he is for next year: for now, at least. He may move to a class with more students, which of course is what I secretly hope for, but I can see the benefit of his being with M for another year with the therapies he’s getting. Clearly he loves her--he often demands that P and I (and anyone in the house... you’ve been warned!) sit for Circle Time when he imitates M singing songs and reading books.

And now, back to work, since the end of Spring Break is unfortunately looming.

st.patrick's day

On Tuesday, P, j, and I went to a local pub that we figured would have some St. Patrick’s Day festivities. P ordered a Guinness that j badly wanted to drink, for some reason. We tried to calm him down with the promise of French fries, only to discover that the only thing they were serving that day was corned beef and cabbage. We ordered a plate in the spirit of the day, which meant that P got the corned beef while j and I ate the cabbage (really nasty--and I like cabbage) and boiled potatoes and carrots. j was not pleased, but he loved all the local people wearing green, and of course the bagpiper. He even danced a bit, stomping and kicking and flopping a bit in a way that looked sort of Irish. At first I thought he was representin’ his ancestors, but then I wondered if most kids just kind of look like they’re training for Riverdance when they first begin to dance.

playground, politics

Yesterday we went to yet another playground we hadn’t been to before, and today we went to the “regular” one (about 10 minutes away from our house). The one yesterday features an old fighter plane in the corner (um...ok) and j had a great time on the whirly-thing-that-makes-me-nauseous. Today he followed another little guy’s lead and actually hung from a bar above him for a few seconds (“I’m strong! I’m strong!”).

I really hope that they build a playground soon in our little village. There are plans in the works, but I think that its creation will depend upon next week’s upcoming mayoral election. I went to my first community event here last week, which was a forum for the candidates for mayor and trustee. The incumbent, who has been in office for two years, has done a pretty incredible job, beautifying the community, making the tap water drinkable, and generally fostering a progressive attitude—all the while lowering taxes. Her challenger, who was mayor for many years before her and now wants his job back, is running on a “financially responsible” campaign, challenging her claim that taxes have gone down. (And so what if they go up a bit in the hopes of improving the village?) It was interesting to attend the forum, in which the incumbent was able to rattle off the numerous improvements she’s made in two years and he was unable to argue coherently against her candidacy. If her challenger wins, I will be quite sad. And we will probably kiss the improvements to our little village—potential playground included—goodbye.

winter / spring

Another nice weekend day. It’s the beginning of Spring Break here, so I’m getting pretty excited about spring. Just like last year, the tulips promise warm days soon to come, when we can get outside and attack the yard that has been too long abandoned.

I’m finally getting around to pulling pictures off my cell phone. These were taken after a snow/rain storm last month. On the mountain I have to take to and from work, the trees were covered in ice. People were pulling over and getting out of their cars to take pictures, right in the middle of the road. I opted to take this on my cell phone while driving slowly. Not too smart to do on the edge of a mountain, I admit, but it was an unbelievable sight.